Family is a fluid concept. That’s certainly apparent in the case of Guelph musician and artist Arthur Kerrey.
Arthur, 44, was born and partly-raised in Melbourne, Australia by his parents Nancy and Roger.
The family moved to the U.S. when Arthur was still a small boy, but the marriage fell apart. So his mother, Nancy, took her son back to Australia. His father remained in the United States.
In the 1970s, there really was no easy way to keep long distance communications going, and Arthur lost touch with his father.
A truth comes to light
Arthur’s mother, the only consistent family member in his life, died when he was 29, leaving him essentially without family.
But a family secret came to light. Roger Kerrey was not Arthur’s biological father. There had been an extramarital affair in Australia and the boy’s real father was a man named Tibor.
This revelation got Arthur’s mind to racing. Did this man Tibor have other children, children who were his kin? He spent many years haunted by questions he couldn’t answer.
Now an adult, and still living in Australia, Arthur made his first attempts to find his biological father, using the old fashioned way: a telephone book.
He was able to track Tibor down and arrange a meeting. And in that meeting, he learned he had a half-sister and a deceased half-brother.
Efforts to contact his half-sister were not immediately successful. But before moving away from Australia in 2008, Kerrey made one final effort to connect with his half-sister.
This time, the process was much easier given the wonders of the Internet and the marvel of Facebook. He found her. They met up and instantly liked each other and have been close ever since.
New life in Guelph
Now living in Guelph, Arthur set up a life with friends in a new community he called 'home.' He now has a daughter. Arthur, who is a local musician, became friends with fellow musician and high school teacher, Andy Hagen. Hagen, who lives in Guelph, knew some of the details of Arthur's family history.
About a year ago, Arthur paid his friend a visit. There was another man with him. Arthur introduced the man as his brother.
“And I said, ‘I didn’t know you had a brother,’" said Hagen. "Arthur said, ‘Neither did I.’” He soon learned there was even more to his friend’s fascinating family history.
Reconnecting with the past
There was still a father figure from Arthur's past out in the world somewhere. The man who Arthur remembered as his 'true father,' the man who raised him in his early years.
After his divorce from Arthur's mother, Roger Kerrey stayed in the United States. Unbeknownst to Arthur, Roger had remarried and had a son — a boy named David.
It turns out that David knew from the time he was small that he had a brother out in the world somewhere. He had been searching for Arthur, but couldn’t find him.
David and Roger decided to set up a Facebook page dedicated to finding Arthur, who they couldn't have known had relocated to Guelph.
At the same time David and Roger initiated their search for Arthur, Arthur began a search of his own for Roger. Arthur was amazed to discover that the father who had raised him was also searching for him via Facebook. Arthur's astonishment increased dramatically when he found out that his father had a son named David. Although he was not a biological brother, he was a brother just the same. David, who was also a musician, realized he and his new 'brother' shared a love of music.
“On the one hand, this discovery answered a huge amount of questions,” said Kerrey in a recent interview in a downtown Guelph café. “On the other hand, I still had to place it into order somehow.”
Arthur's new family was something that would take time for him to understand. "It was just me and my mom for the most part," he said. "I didn’t have brothers or sisters. Now, I have a biological sister out there who I’m very connected with because there are a lot of things that we share. And I now have an adoptive brother. David is more of a brother than I could ever imagine. But I still don’t really know how to be a brother to either of them, although I’m doing my best.”
Musical celebration of family
Kerrey’s friend and fellow musician, Andy Hagen, is organizing a celebratory musical evening scheduled for Guelph’s Cornerstone Café on the evening of April 30.
The night is a way to raise a glass to the concept of family, in whatever creative and nonconventional form it takes.
Hagen said the story of his friend touched him deeply because he had lost his mother and a brother right around the time Arthur was finding his long-lost family members. "Just as Arthur was finding out that he had a brother and father that he didn’t know he had, my mother had passed away ... and the year before that my brother had passed away.”
While the family dynamics of the two friends were vastly different, their experiences were comparable in terms of the deep emotional impact family had on them.
Arthur's 'brother' David will be coming to Guelph for the event. The brothers will share the stage and play music together at the Cornerstone. There will also be an open jam. "All kinds of family are welcome," said Hagen.
Appreciative of his expanded family
“It’s a new world for me,” said Arthur. “There are some rather deep emotional experiences that I have to deal with. But there is some lovely warmth that comes from it. And there is even more family coming into the picture because my sister is married.”
Andy Hagen sees a positive change in his friend. “This guy was floating through life mostly by himself ... people just want to have some sort of network of people who care about them.”
Things have obviously changed for Arthur, and for the better.
