Dear Mom of the House readers,
I’ve decided today to write a letter, to you, the reader of my Mom of the House column. Perhaps you’ve been here with me since the beginning, when I started this column three years ago, or perhaps you’re here for the first time. Either way, I hope you’ll stick around and hear what I have to say.
I started this column with the vision of creating a space for musing about motherhood. My first column was published on April 10, 2016, and here we are on April 7, 2019, still going strong.
However, a fews weeks ago, I wasn’t so sure. I decided to take a break for an undetermined amount of time in March. In fact, I took a break from writing altogether, a big step for me, since writing is my job and a big contributor our family’s income. But as I have grown my writing business I have teetered closer and closer to the edge of burnout. Those soft feelings of joy, warmth, and loveliness dissipated, and made way for exhaustion, fatigue and loneliness.
There are a few reasons for my burnout, one being, I am a mother first, and my children have taken priority over my writing from day one. This has meant that every flu this winter, every bad sleep, every doctor’s appointment, has been prioritized over my work and deadlines. I’ve learned how unhealthy it’s been for me, at times, to give up the joy and necessity of writing, in order to constantly be there for my kids. We are working on that, and ways to allow me to not constantly default the kids, at the suffering of my work, and the mental load of trying to do it all.
The other area of difficulty has been more recent. This year I’ve been published in a number of large Canadian national publications, and my audience has grown from its safe and comforting cocoon, into completely different territory. I’ve found myself thrust in the centre of some really difficult and challenging comments from readers, across a variety of publications. I had never considered how negative comments would impact me, as a writer. I’ve had them before, but never to the degree, and severity, as I did last month. It seemed that every piece I wrote drew the ire of readers, who made sure to publicly share their feelings. These weren’t constructive criticisms, but negative, sometimes haunting and personal attacks.
I felt, for a few brief weeks, that I wasn’t cut out for this business. I’m a sensitive soul, and I have always felt that writing was a precious gift, a way to connect me to people that I would never have met before. And it can be. Over the last five years of writing professionally, and three years of writing this column, I have accrued a beautiful collection of lovely emails, and many in-person exchanges with readers. My column has especially allowed me to connect, to my community, to other like-minded people, which is in line with the very vision of my writing and column.
As I spent the last few weeks considering all of these things, I continued to wonder whether I could return to writing, and to my column, with renewed hope and a vision. I knew that to return to writing I would need to create better boundaries, like no more reading the comments. But I also needed to return with a tender heart, not a jaded spirit. Writing still had the power to connect us. Digital media is changing the landscape of journalism, and not always for the better. Comments from strangers can be harsh and cruel, and no writer, or anyone else, deserves the kinds of horrendous comments you often see, whether it’s on big national papers or smaller community papers. We don’t deserve it, and it is not in line with the very heart of storytelling and writing.
If you’re reading this, and you tend to write comments without considering the consequences, I do hope you’ll reconsider. Your words matter, and it’s not difficult or challenging to write something negative, but it takes thoughtfulness and care to write something compelling and kind.
I knew though, that I didn’t write because of the positive comments, and I wouldn’t stop because of the negative and hurtful ones either. I love writing because it’s what brings me hope and joy, and I love sharing my words with others, because I believe it connects us. There are so many positive pieces to sharing our stories, telling the stories of powerful and exciting people in the community, and commiserating over shared experiences.
And so that’s why I’ve returned, after a rather short three week break. I just couldn’t stay away. I love Guelph, I love my community, and I love sharing stories with you, my dear readers.
I hope to re-invigorate this space, and bring it new life too. I hope you’ll enjoy, and keep reading.
I’ll close with a quote from my first column, “They say it takes a village to raise a child. I'd it say it takes a village to write an amazing column.”
Thank you, to my village.
Brianna
Columnist, Mom of the House
